Ah the blessed festival season is upon us. We are dreaming of neon wellies, oversized sunglasses and gallons of cider in the sunshine. Tickets are purchased, tent and equipment at the ready, memories are about to be made and you can smell the portaloos already.
UK festivals are numerous and each one has its own personality and specific crowd. We know that Reading and Leeds festivals cater to the drunk teenagers and the metal heads, V Festival belongs to those who look like the cast of Hollyoaks, Bestival is for the extreme dresser uppers and Isle of Wight Festival is more for retired ravers who still like to kick back once a year and rock out to Chase and Status, leaving the young kids at home.
Five types of girls can be found at all of these festivals.
Pardon the offensive stereotyping but I have met these five girls many times over at each of these festivals, no matter what type of crowd they attract.
This is only a bit of fun, so don’t take it to heart if you recognize yourself. Just enjoy the column inches and go get ready for the next festival!
1. The Female Drag Queen
Don’t get me wrong. This chick rocks. She has more face paint on than David Bowie, she is rocking a multi coloured unitard, a gigantic wig AND show girl headdress and she is manoeuvring herself across the fields on stilts, shouting down at her friends in a sexy gravelly voice. She’ll come down only to hula hoop, perform fire breathing tricks or take more ecstasy. She’s very very glittery and sparkly and covered in studs and psychedelic patterns and rocking the most impressively cool nail art ever.
2. The Muddy Hippy
This girl has probably come with her equally muddy and hippy boyfriend and their hippyish friends, probably mostly couples. They smoke weed all day, are obsessed with yogurt, organic vegetables and roll around in the mud, professing that they are connecting with nature. These girls can most often be found at Glastonbury collecting healing crystals and trying to roll joints with moss.
3. The Hipster Girl
Oh she’s ever so trendy. She wears high waisted mini shorts and looks good in them, she has long flowing locks, impeccable footwear and wears crop tops with bold statements or indie brand names on the front. She shops at Urban Outfitter, wears Converse high tops coupled with skinny jeans she bought in her local charity shop. She inhales happy gas from balloons and laughs with her friends (who all look and dress exactly the same as her). She may have a fringe and heavy eye makeup. She goes to every festival and plans her outfits months in advance.
4. The Neon Raver
She’s usually found with the female drag queens, or they definitely have loads of mutual friends. They love posing for pictures with their bright red shades and clashing pink shell suit jacket top. They wear roller skates and are sucking on lollipops or chewing gum constantly. You will mostly find them in the dance tent moving fast and furiously to the throbbing beats.
If they do take their shades off, you will find pupils the size of dinner plates. Their faces are covered in glitter, often pretty intricate artwork and are very beautiful to look at but they don’t stop to chat for long enough because Annie Mac is on stage and they have to go and wave their neon sticks.
5. The Emo/Moshing Angry Girl
These girls often come in tribes, same as the hipsters. They wear very very heavy black eye makeup, have very baggy jeans, lots of silver angry looking bracelets and heavy trinkets, they may be pretty heavily tattooed and they are there for the music. These girls are most often found at the metal / rock orientated festivals but some get lost and come to the trendy festivals because they are new to the emo scene.
Oh they’re most often between 15 and 21. They stand around scowling or snogging an equally angry looking boy.
Well, I hope someone out there will take a good hard look at themselves after reading this. And then go on to the next festival and do exactly what you want to do. We love you for it and you make festivals what they are.
Comments welcome below. Happy festival season!
Susannah Perez is a happy beauty blogger, social commentator and fashion fanatic. She is a devoted festival go-er and writes for Glitterstore, the ultimate online provider of awesome festival make up and beauty products.